When SwanQueen meets SwanQueen
by Finnegan0724
Summary: After the curse was broken and evil defeated, Storybrooke, Maine eventually returned to its sleepy state. With nothing to do, Emma finds new ways to entertain herself, which mostly involve annoying the former Evil Queen. SwanQueen fluff.


**A/N: First of all, I apologize for this. This is what happens when I wind up in an "emergency" meeting that is anything but an emergency (someone's getting a dictionary for Christmas!), with nothing to do but type quietly on my phone. It's complete fluff that has nothing to do with anything. **

SwanQueen meets...SwanQueen?

"Regina! Get up here!" Emma hollered from the top of the staircase, pleasantly surprised with the resounding echo that cascaded through the mansion. "I need to show you something!"

At the bottom of the stairs, the mayor frowned in annoyance at being pulled away from her work for the third time in less than an hour. The first time had been Emma's frantic calls that the shower was out to get her when she was bombarded by freezing cold water thanks to a well timed emergency shut off of the water heater; the second, Emma's insistence that Henry be made to clean his own room if the teenager was going to insist on attempting weird science experiments with moldy plates in there. "Emma, enough! Whatever it is, it can wait until I finish out the quarterly budget. I made provisions to work from home to make headway without interruption, not for you to scream and holler whenever you find something not the least bit interesting to the rest of the population."

"But-" the blonde pouted and leaned over the railing to more fully emphasize her point. "I called you for a reason, babe."

"Being perpetually horny is not a reason, Emma. It's a given with you, and I don't have time to indulge your whims right now."

"I'm not...you know what, if you would quit being the all powerful mayor I wouldn't bother you at work so much. But that's not what I called you for, I found something on Henry's computer you're going to want to see."

Regina faltered on the third step up, shaking her head for even taking the first two towards her petulant wife. "It isn't porn, is it? I've talked to you about that, dear. You need to clear your internet history if you're going to use the main computer instead of blaming our son."

"It's not porn. I mean, it's not exactly porn."

"Not exactly porn? Emma, no more. If you're going to indulge, then borrow one of those trashy romance novels your mother is so fond of but stop using my credit card to view utter filth on a computer Henry uses for his schoolwork."

At the top of the stairs, Emma greeted her wife with a scowl and a kiss. She didn't always use their joint account; sometimes she borrowed Ruby's laptop. "It's not porn."

"Is it one of those talking dog videos again? I didn't find it amusing the first time, dear, and I still don't know how you talked me into watching the other three."

"Those were funny!" Emma protested as she led the brunette into the organized chaos that was Henry's bedroom and motioned for her to sit in the computer chair. She quickly leaned over and tapped violently on the sticky keyboard. "There! See?"

Regina squinted to read the small type, wishing Emma had given her warning to bring her glasses up from the study. Porn was easy, no reading required. "Dear, what the hell is SwanQueen and why am I reading about it? If this is another attempt at kinky sex, fine, but we'll have to send Henry off to your parents for the night."

"Is that all you think I think about? Sex? I'll have you know that I'm not some teenage boy looking to score at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes I just want to snuggle or watch funny videos about talking dogs with my wife." The blonde pointed to the screen. "It's a chat room archive from Storybrooke. I started following it to catch the Lost Boys when they were vandalizing Main St."

"That doesn't explain why I'm looking at it now. Those boys were placed in foster homes in town, well away from the shops."

"No, it's-" Emma ran her fingers through her hair as she forced herself to concoct enough valid reasoning for her wife to remain seated. "It's SwanQueen."

"If you want to see the movie again, then go, dear. Leave Henry with your parents this time; he's far too young to watch that filth."

"Not _Black Swan_."

"Enlighten me, Emma. What is SwanQueen?"

She grinned proudly and indicated the screen. "You and me- we're SwanQueen."

"Excuse me?"

"It's what the town calls us, or at least the people who get on here. People got bored, I guess, with the lack of crazies running around town trying to destroy it so they came up with names for the couples around town- real and fictional."

Regina squinted at the screen again, focusing on the list presented before her. SwanQueen was there, at the top, followed by Snowing, StableQueen, RedQueen, RedSwan. "What are all of these? And what is a SwanFire?"

"Uh-"

"You interrupted my work for this, dear, so don't you dare try to lie to me now."

Emma shuffled in place behind the chair, unsure of how to continue. She had meant the invitation upstairs to be sexy, something to draw her overworked wife away from the budgetary reports that lined the downstairs office. But, of course, Regina would glom right on to the listings she had meant to keep a secret. "SwanFire is me and Neal. I guess some people just don't know that what's in the past is best left there. I mean, he set me up to go to prison because Pinocchio told him to, so there's no way that's going to happen again. Snowing is obviously my parents, and StableQueen is-"

The brunette's features softened as realization dawned. She offered a small smile in remembrance of her first love, the boy who had made life bearable at her parent's estate until his untimely demise. "Let me guess- the Evil Queen and the Stableboy."

"Yeah. Some people wanted you to have your happily ever after before everything went to hell, and I guess they thought he was it for you."

"He was a very big motivator in my life, Emma, and a contributing reason why I have you and our son. He was my first love, but you are my love."

Emma nodded, having already gone through the tiring discussions regarding her fears of not being enough to measure up next to Daniel. Her wife had set wars and cursed an entire land to Maine for him, so what was she doing with a former juvenile delinquent who grew up in the system? The fear still resided within her that maybe one day Regina would wake up and realize she could have something else, someone less damaged. "Anyway, RedQueen and RedSwan-"

"Are you trying to ask me for an open marriage, dear? Because the answer will always be no. I don't share."

"No, I'm not...just listen. It's all in good fun here, the pairings. It's not like I'm going to invite Ruby over for a threesome and then go relive my past with Neal in the back of the Bug. Also, I'm pretty sure you aren't getting it on with Archie in your weekly sessions, RegalCricket."

Dark eyes focused on the computer screen, entirely unsure of the point to the exercise Emma seemed compelled to involve her in. There was work to be done downstairs; work that kept them in the house and the town operating smoothly. "Can you click these? The blue highlighted portions?"

"Not advisable, babe."

Too late. The screen popped up moment later, a heavy scrawl of text forming before their eyes. Regina focused intently on the first paragraph, averting her eyes at the second. "What is that, and why are you and I attempting something I'm fairly sure isn't possible in it?"

Emma gulped and swallowed around the sawdust that formed somewhere between the third and fourth paragraphs. That wasn't possible, no way, no matter how flexible her wife was. "That's the not quite porn part I was talking about."

"No," Regina corrected, "that is most definitely porn. Do you know who wrote this? Is that an author's name at the top? Hesagoodman. Who is that? Wait-"

"Yeah," Emma replied heavily. "Our sweet librarian is getting her vicarious freak on."

"Oh my." The brunette scrolled down the page, noting the break in text. Several paragraphs later, she forced herself to stop reading. "And is that?"

"Uh huh. She might have some fantasies about a certain waitress, too. It's all speculative but I'm pretty sure Belle was blushing the last time we went into the diner and Ruby gave her extra whipped cream."

"That isn't a euphemism for something else, is it? So help me, Emma, if-"

"Chill out, Tiger. I told you not click the hyperlinks. You clicked, so deal with it."

"I'm beginning to regret leaving her locked in the asylum for so long."

"Beginning to? I started regretting it for you after reading all of the Rumbelle out there, which I'm pretty sure Gold might have written himself." Emma shuddered. There was something called GoldenSwan but it was likely to start a third world war should she mention it to her wife. Things were not good between the former masterminds; tolerable, yes, but certainly not in a place where they could be left in the same room for much longer than a few minutes.

"HookedCaptain, CaptainQueen- myself and Hook, I presume?"

"Don't click on that," Emma protested, eyeing the index finger hovered over the mouse. She had already made that mistake and wasn't too keen to relive the experience of reading about her wife with the playboy captain.

Too late. Regina read, and scoffed, and read some more. "Killian is taking liberties with actual events, dear. We did not have 'wild, animalistic' sex on top of my mother's casket when he returned from Wonderland."

Emma blanched. "Are you implying-"

"No, I'm saying it. It was before he went to Wonderland and it was in my bedchambers."

The blonde counted to ten. She had always known the Evil Queen side of her wife had indulged in various dalliances during her reign but she absolutely did not need to know with who or where, for the sake of her sanity of course. "I think we should stop reading these."

The mayor quirked a dark brow. "You pulled me away from work to look at these, dear. Besides Hook is of no competition to you. It was a one time occurrence to seal a deal between us."

"That actually makes it worse, babe. How am I supposed to sit through Town Council meetings now? Wondering which of the members you've...been involved with? Which of them have seen parts of you that are supposed to belong to me?" Emma scowled and took a seat on the arm of the computer chain, balancing precariously over Regina's knee. "I mean, I knew about Graham and Le- the king, but who else was there? Is there an Evil Charming I should be worried about? RegalCricket? SnowQueen? MadQueen?"

Regina shuddered and wrapped her arm around the blonde's waist, pulling her over the side of the chair and more fully onto her lap. "Please don't ever mention the words SnowQueen in my presence again. I was her step-mother, for Pete's sake, and all your father and I ever shared was an ill-advised kiss before the curse broke when I contemplated seducing him to get back at your mother."

"That's not making it better."

"No, but I did marry you, didn't I? I stood in front of the entire town and proclaimed that I only wanted you for the rest of my life, to love and cherish until the end of days. That's what makes all of this irrelevant," she gestured to the computer, clicking out of the browser. "The town is bored. Without dragons to fight and famine to fear, they don't know what to do with themselves. If writing gives them solace, then let them write what they will. None of it is going to change the fact that I am an avid SwanQueen-er."

"Shipper," Emma interjected. "You're a SwanQueen shipper."

"Through and through, my dear. So, shall we find ways to waste the rest of the afternoon together or should I head back downstairs to make headway in the budget?" The request was punctuated with kisses along the blonde's neck and collar bone and fingers along the waistband of her shorts.

"Really kind of digging the SwanQueen right now," Emma replied as she rose from her seat, offering a hand to assist her wife. "Maybe we can try that thing Belle wrote about. The one where I, and you, and-"

"I already have a therapist, dear; I don't need a chiropractor as well." Draping her arms around Emma's waist, she marched her towards their bedroom, fully intent on wasting away the rest of the day. The budget could wait until tomorrow, or she could always make necessary cuts to the sheriff's station if it came down to it to make a little extra for other projects. After all, it was the sheriff's fault that her morning had been distracted by SwanQueen, and HookedQueen, and SwanFire. "But I think we can come to a compromise of sorts, or at least tell Belle to put her thoughts to good use with Ruby. At most, we should probably tell her to invent LimpingRedBeauty or the like."


End file.
